Toldot – To Live Like You Were Dying

Parshat Toldot

“To Live Like You Were Dying”

By: Rabbi Jeffrey H. Miller

Rebecca’s pregnancy was not just difficult; it was violent.  Without a qualified obstetrician with whom to consult, Rebecca did the next best thing.  As described in the Torah:

And the children struggled within her, and she said, “If [it be] so, why am I [like] this?” And she went to inquire of the Lord

וַיִּתְרֹֽצֲצ֤וּ הַבָּנִים֙ בְּקִרְבָּ֔הּ וַתֹּ֣אמֶר אִם־כֵּ֔ן לָ֥מָּה זֶּ֖ה אָנֹ֑כִי וַתֵּ֖לֶךְ לִדְר֥שׁ אֶת־ה

The Prophecy given to her was even more detailed than what she would’ve received from merely viewing a sonogram:

And the Lord said to her, “Two nations are in your womb, and two kingdoms will separate from your innards, and one kingdom will become mightier than the other kingdom, and the elder will serve the younger.

וַיֹּ֨אמֶר ה לָ֗הּ שְׁנֵ֤י גוֹיִם֙ בְּבִטְנֵ֔ךְ וּשְׁנֵ֣י לְאֻמִּ֔ים מִמֵּעַ֖יִךְ יִפָּרֵ֑דוּ וּלְאֹם֙ מִלְאֹ֣ם יֶֽאֱמָ֔ץ וְרַ֖ב יַֽעֲבֹ֥ד צָעִֽיר:

As described by the midrash (cited by Rashi), Rebecca was concerned because she felt near-constant, intense, kicking that signaled to her that her unborn child was in emotional, if not physical, distress

When she passed by the entrances of [the] Torah [academies] of Shem and Eber, Jacob would run and struggle to come out; when she passed the entrance of [a temple of] idolatry, Esau would run and struggle to come out.

Her concern was that her child – she didn’t yet know she was carrying twins – was already experiencing a spiritual identity crisis.  Every mother’s nightmare is that her child will not be at peace with himself and will not find his rightful place in the world.  God’s prophecy was a comfort to Rebecca because she now knew that she was not carrying one boy who was struggling with himself.  Rather, there were two sons.  They may become lifelong rivals with each other, but at least each one would be at peace with himself.  She could work with sibling rivalry.

Rashi offers a second explanation of the source of the in-utero conflict:

They were struggling with each other and quarreling about the inheritance of the two worlds.

In this version, the twins are not just struggling over spirituality; they are also fighting over the mundane and material things that do not yet belong to them.  As I sometimes tell my clients, “where there is a will there is a relative”.

This prenatal story, of course, foretells the events that occur later in our parsha when Isaac bestows his blessing(s) upon the boys.  Ironically, Isaac offers great, expansive blessings, filled with vast spiritual and material bounty.  Yet his sons, who may be chronologically grown men, are still fighting with each other as if they were still infants stuck in the cramped confines in their mother’s womb.

In fact, the Torah sneaks in a short story – between their births and Isaac’s blessing – to drive the point that Jacob and Esav spent the entire lives waiting to ‘collect’ on their birthright.  See, Gen. 25: 27-34.

The conflict suddenly explodes when Isaac wakes up one morning and decides that the time is right to bequeath his ‘blessings’.  Isaac is ready to pass the torch:

It came to pass when Isaac was old, and his eyes were too dim to see, that he called Esau his elder son, and he said to him, “My son,” and he said to him, “Here I am.”	וַֽיְהִי֙ כִּֽי־זָקֵ֣ן יִצְחָ֔ק וַתִּכְהֶ֥יןָ עֵינָ֖יו מֵֽרְאֹ֑ת וַיִּקְרָ֞א אֶת־עֵשָׂ֣ו | בְּנ֣וֹ הַגָּדֹ֗ל וַיֹּ֤אמֶר אֵלָיו֙ בְּנִ֔י וַיֹּ֥אמֶר אֵלָ֖יו הִנֵּֽנִי
And he said, “Behold now, I have grown old; I do not know the day of my death.	וַיֹּ֕אמֶר הִנֵּה־נָ֖א זָקַ֑נְתִּי לֹ֥א יָדַ֖עְתִּי י֥וֹם מוֹתִֽי

The Torah tells us – in great detail – about Yaakov’s deception, Rebecca’s supporting role, Yitchak’s bequests, and finally, Eisav’s intense grief.  Esav, reeling from the pain of his brother’s betrayal, announces (to himself) that he will kill Yaakov after his father dies.  Rebecca, concerned for her son’s safety, convinces Jacob to take a short vacation to visit his relatives:

And now, my son, hearken to my voice, and arise, flee to my brother Laban, to Haran	וַֽיְהִי֙ כִּֽי־זָקֵ֣ן יִצְחָ֔ק וַתִּכְהֶ֥יןָ עֵינָ֖יו מֵֽרְאֹ֑ת וַיִּקְרָ֞א אֶת־עֵשָׂ֣ו | בְּנ֣וֹ הַגָּדֹ֗ל וַיֹּ֤אמֶר אֵלָיו֙ בְּנִ֔י וַיֹּ֥אמֶר אֵלָ֖יו הִנֵּֽנִי
And you shall dwell with him for a few days until your brother’s wrath has subsided.	וְיָֽשַׁבְתָּ֥ עִמּ֖וֹ יָמִ֣ים אֲחָדִ֑ים עַ֥ד אֲשֶׁר־תָּשׁ֖וּב חֲמַ֥ת אָחִֽיךָ

Everyone, it seems, is waiting for Isaac’s imminent demise.  Including Isaac.  What is remarkable though is that Isaac was (only) 123 years old at the time and he lived until the ripe old age of 180!  The question then, is why did Isaac jump the gun by giving away his blessings too soon, and why did Rebecca, Isaac, Esav and Yaakov all believe that Isaac’s days would quickly coming to a close?

The answer may lie in the Torah’s prefatory comment.  We’ve already established that he was nearly six decades away from death, but Isaac is still described in the Torah as (i) old with (ii) fading eyesight.  I empathize with Isaac, pushing sixty and having been diagnosed with a cataract.

Rashi offers several non-age-related explanations for Isaac’s failing eyesight:

• The smoke from the idol worship of Eisav’s wives damaged his eyes;
• God dimmed his eyes intentionally so that Isaac could be tricked into blessing Jacob (making God an unindicted co-conspirator with Rebecca and Yaakov); and
• Isaac’s eyes were ‘burned’ by the tears of God’s angels way back when he was bound on the alter.

The first two explanations made his failing eye-sight a new symptom that, when coupled with his advancing age, made Isaac unsure and unsteady.  If the failing eye-sight made Isaac feel ‘old’, then the third explanation hints at a Patriarch who spent the better part of his life not just in need a good pair of spectacles but also feeling and acting older than his years.

In any event, it seems to be the combination of advancing age and cloudy vision that causes Isaac to feel that death could come at any moment.

Rabbi Avi Miller pointed me to a midrash on Tehillim 89:49. The text itself is straightforward:

Who is a man who will live and not see death…

מִ֚י גֶ֣בֶר יִ֖חְיֶה וְלֹ֣א יִרְאֶה־מָּ֑וֶת…

Isaac may have lived to 180 and Moshe Rabbeinu to 120, but death, taught King David, is the consequence of life lived that none of us mere mortals escape. The midrash (Devarim Rabbah) builds on this by recounting how Moshe was reluctant to die:

Said Moshe:	א”ל משה
Master of the World, after my eyes have witnessed all (Your) Glory and Greatness, shall I die?	רבש”ע אחר כל אותו הכבוד ואותה הגבורה שראו עיני אני מת

To which God responded:  Avraham was saved from the fires of Nimrod’s furnace yet ultimately died.  Jacob fought an epic battle that nearly cost him his life, and he, too, eventually died.

And what man was like Isaac, who raised up his own neck on an alter only to later declare, ‘Behold now, I have grown old; I do not know the day of my death’

מי גבר כיצחק שפשט צוארו על המזבח ואח”כ אמר הנה נא זקנתי לא ידעתי יום מותי

Each of the Patriarchs had a near-death experience, but it was Isaac who declared “I do not know the day of my death”.  This was not, as it seemed at first blush, a character weakness.  Rather, it was an acknowledgement that Isaac lived every day with the knowledge that life is taken by God on His time frame, not ours.

Indeed, the point of the story is that Isaac did not wait too long!  Not being privy to God’s Plans, Isaac chose the moment that he felt was the right time to start passing the torch.  Put a little differently, Isaac blessed his days by living each one as if it was his last.

There is another Midrash that teaches us the moment of death is but one of seven closely guarded Divine Secrets, the other six being:

• What another person is truly thinking;
• The secret to building wealth;
• The ‘depth’ of Torah law;
• The gender of an unborn child;
• When the reign of western civilization will come to an end; and
• The moment the Mashiach will come.

In two thousand plus years, we’ve managed to snatch just one of God’s Secrets.  Let’s hope the Heaven guards the remaining six so that we can spend our days to the fullest!

Shabbat Shalom!