Mattot-Massei – It’s In His Kiss

Does he love me, I want to know
How can I tell if he loves me so
* * *                        

If you want to know, if he loves you so
It’s in his kiss
That’s where it is, oh yeah

 

This Shabbat, Rosh Chodesh Av, marks the 3,294th yahrzeit of Aharaon HaKohen, Moshe Rabbeinu’s beloved brother.  As we read in the second of this week’s double portion:

Aaron the kohen ascended Mount Hor at the Lord’s bidding and died there, on the first day of the fifth month in the fortieth year of the children of Israel’s exodus from Egypt.

וַיַּ֩עַל֩ אַֽהֲרֹ֨ן הַכֹּהֵ֜ן אֶל־הֹ֥ר הָהָ֛ר עַל־פִּ֥י ה וַיָּ֣מָת שָׁ֑ם בִּשְׁנַ֣ת הָֽאַרְבָּעִ֗ים לְצֵ֤את בְּנֵֽי־יִשְׂרָאֵל֙ מֵאֶ֣רֶץ מִצְרַ֔יִם בַּחֹ֥דֶשׁ הַֽחֲמִישִׁ֖י בְּאֶחָ֥ד לַחֹֽדֶשׁ:

[BaMidbar 33:38]

Aaron’s death is recorded several times in the Torah, including the verse from this week’s parsha cited above.  Parshat Massei will be read on Rosh Chodesh Av ten times during the next one hundred years.  And on each of the remaining ninety years, Parshat Massei will be read on the week of Rosh Chodesh Av, coinciding with Aaron’s yahrzeit.

Is this just a coincidence of the calendar?  Or is something deeper going on?

The new month of Av begins the intensified period of mourning that culminates with Tisha B’Av, the day that commemorates several national calamities, including the destruction of the Bet HaMikdash.  The Talmud (Yoma 9b) teaches that the Second Temple was destroyed because of שִׂנְאַת חִנָּם, baseless hatred.

Sinat chinam was not the ordinary ‘hatred’ that flows from a rational basis.  It was a hatred divorced from rhyme, reason or reality.  It was not predicated on any anything other than raw, negative emotion.

The Jew of the late Second Temple period were ritually observant and outwardly pious.  But they didn’t play well together in the sandbox.  Their fastidious observance of mitzvot did not translate into acts of communal kindness.  There was strife and unrest.  Hatred and disagreements and jealousies abounded.

Commitment to ritual without a corresponding love for one another was (and is) an unholy paradox.  The Almighty could not reconcile how a people so devoted to rites and rituals would turn their backs on one other.  After all, what is the purpose of remembering the exodus from Egypt if not to become better hosts and neighbors?  God sprinkled this powerful idea (in slightly different ways) throughout the Torah.  For example:

You must also show love toward the foreigner (“ger“) since you were foreigners in the land of Egypt.

וַאֲהַבְתֶּ֖ם אֶת־הַגֵּ֑ר כִּֽי־גֵרִ֥ים הֱיִיתֶ֖ם בְּאֶ֥רֶץ מִצְרָֽיִם׃

[Deuteronomy 10:19]

God orchestrated (or allowed) the destruction of the Temple because the Jews of the day were undeserving of His house.  Moshe had once destroyed God’s tablets when B’nai Yisrael tried to pick and choose mitzvot from column B while ignoring column A.  B’nai Yisrael wanted to keep the interpersonal laws while rejecting the laws relating to the Divine.  They learned the hard way that God’s commandments – even when written on different stones – were a package deal.

And the mitzvot were still a package deal when the Temple stood!  The Jews of the late Second Temple era were now making the opposite choice from the Jews of the desert.  They were faithfully keeping the rituals while rejecting the rules and customs and norms that make society worthwhile.  Now it was God’s turn to smash the stone walls and inner sanctum.  Consider the ironic twist that Moshe smashed the tablets when God’s honor was violated, and God destroyed the Bet HaMikdash when the honor of the people was trampled upon.

As we begin this nine-day period of sorrow and reflection, the Torah reminds us of the life of Aharon HaKohen.  Aaron was described as a lover of peace and pursuer of peace.^[1]  These qualities of love and kindness, Hillel taught centuries later (during the Second Temple period!) are prerequisites for a life of Torah.

Aaron, as High Priest, was the human symbol and embodiment of Avodah, Temple worship.  The Netziv points out that Aaron’s death on Rosh Chodesh Av foreshadows the destruction of the Bet HaMikdash.

I would like to suggest that Aaron’s death is mentioned in the Torah reading during these days to point us in the right direction and to focus our grief.  If the destruction of the Temple was caused by senseless hated, then the opposite is surely true.  Redemption and revival and renewal will come about when we, like Aaron, love peace and pursue peace, even when it doesn’t make sense!  So taught Rebbe Yechezkel Taub of Kuzmir, (1755–1856), the great Chassidic master:

כמו שחורבן בית המקדש היה על ידי שנאת חינם, כן לתקן זה צריך אהבת חינם, שכל אחד מישראל יאהב את חבירו בחינם^[2]

This beautiful affirmation is not easily rendered into English, but I shall try.  Since the Temple was destroyed because of baseless hatred, the cure/fix is to love one another unconditionally and independent of any benefit or reward.

We know of the death dates of Moshe, Miriam, and many other Biblical personalities only through legends or preserved traditions.  Aaron’s yahrzeit stands alone as the only one expressly chosen by God to be included in His Torah.  Of all the people immortalized in Torah, only Aaron’s date of death is openly marked.

Why?

It’s easy to view Aaron as a supporting actor to Moshe’s starring role, but there are ample examples of Aaron’s own stardom.  It would be a mistake to minimize the role that Aaron played in the drama.  Moshe – the baby brother – was certainly the predominant “face” of the power-duo, but Aaron was the “voice”.   Sometimes he was loud, and sometimes his voice was an inaudible whisper.

Indeed, Rashi, citing the Mechilta, pointedly reminds us that שקולין כאחד, the brothers we co-equals.^[3]  When Aaron was not front and center wearing the sacred vestments and performing the rituals of the High Priest, he was toiling tirelessly behind the scenes, quietly acting as a peacemaker, a social worker, a family counselor, a prophet, and a royal advisor.

Aaron did not die peacefully in his sleep.  Nor did he die of illness or of old age.  He did not die in battle or in an accident.  Rather, he dies, as the Torah relates, עַל־פִּ֥י ה, at God’s bidding.

What does that cryptic phrase mean?

On its simplest level, it means that God revealed to Aaron that he was about to die, a coveted gift that is denied to the rest of us.  As King David sang to God:

Lord, make me to know mine end, And the measure of my days, what it is; Let me know how short-lived I am.

הוֹדִ֘יעֵ֤נִי ה קִצִּ֗י וּמִדַּ֣ת יָמַ֣י מַה־הִ֑יא אֵ֝דְעָ֗ה מֶֽה־חָדֵ֥ל אָֽנִי׃

[Psalms 39:5]

From this verse the Sages taught that David asked God to reveal the moment he would die:

David said before the Holy One, Blessed is He: “Lord of the world make know to me when I will die”. God said to him: “That is a secret, and it is not revealed to a human and it is not possible to reveal it to you.”

אמר דוד [לפני הקב”ה, רבונו של עולם,] הודיעני אימת אנא מיית? אמר ליה, הדין רזא לא גלית לבר נש, ולא איפשר דיתגלי לך

[Ruth Rabbah 3; see, also, TB Shabbat 30a]

God (mostly) refused David’s plea for this coveted inside information, explaining that it is a Divine secret outside of the human realm.^[4]  And yet, God broke His own rule by giving Aaron this unsolicited bit of knowledge.

We read a few weeks ago in (Parshat Chukat) a more detailed account of Aaron’s death:

They traveled from Kadesh, and the entire congregation of the children of Israel arrived at Mount Hor. The Lord said to Moses and Aaron at Mount Hor, on the border of the land of Edom, saying, Aaron shall be gathered to his people, for he shall not come to the Land which I have given to the children of Israel, because you defied My word at the waters of dispute [Mei Meribah].^[5]

[Numbers 20:22ff]

If עַל־פִּ֥י ה only meant “at God’s bidding”, it would be a remarkable expression of God’s love for Aaron.  But the Sages also interpreted פִּ֥י (“pi”) quite literally, rendering the text “by the mouth of God”.  And from this literal meaning they constructed the following extraordinary midrash:

Moses, Aaron, and Miriam, as it is written with regard to them that they died “by the mouth of the Lord” indicates that they died with a kiss, and not at the hand of the Angel of Death.[6]

מֹשֶׁה אַהֲרֹן וּמִרְיָם אַבְרָהָם יִצְחָק וְיַעֲקֹב דִּכְתִיב בְּהוּ בַּכֹּל מִכֹּל כֹּל מֹשֶׁה אַהֲרֹן וּמִרְיָם דִּכְתִיב בְּהוּ עַל פִּי ה׳

[BT Baba Batra 17a ]

Why a kiss? The Divine Kiss (of Death) was the most beautiful gift, reserved for only six human beings.  It was a gentle touch.  It was a sweet, tender, and kind death.  It was a demonstration of God’s love and of God’s appreciation for an exceptional life that was well lived. ^[7]

The kiss on the mouth is, in some ways, the reversal of creation when God blew the breadth of life into mankind.

And the Lord God formed man of dust from the ground, and He breathed into his nostrils the soul of life, and man became a living soul.

וַיִּ֩יצֶר֩ ה אֱלֹקים אֶת־הָֽאָדָ֗ם עָפָר֙ מִן־הָ֣אֲדָמָ֔ה וַיִּפַּ֥ח בְּאַפָּ֖יו נִשְׁמַ֣ת חַיִּ֑ים וַיְהִ֥י הָֽאָדָ֖ם לְנֶ֥פֶשׁ חַיָּֽה:

[Gen. 2:7]

Rabbi Avi Miller suggests that Aaron received a Divine kiss as just reward  (מידה כנגד מידה)for the selfless way he accepted Moshe’s appointment:

The LORD said to Aaron, “Go to meet Moses in the wilderness.” He went and met him at the mountain of God, and he kissed him.

וַיֹּאמֶר ה אֶל־אַהֲרֹן לֵךְ לִקְרַאת מֹשֶׁה הַמִּדְבָּרָה וַיֵּלֶךְ וַיִּפְגְּשֵׁהוּ בְּהַר הָאֱלֹקים וַיִּשַּׁק־לוֹ׃

[Ex. 4:27]

A kiss, of course, is an expression of love.  But it is far more.  It is, as the Sforno says, כמנשק דבר קדוש, a recognition of holiness.  As Rabbi Avi Miller pointed out to me:

Aharon kissed Moshe as one kisses something holy.  It was an act of humility and self-effacement and recognition of Moshe’s Divine selection.  It was – in a very real way – a defining moment in human history that signaled a break with the past Biblical cycles of brotherly hatred.

It was this ahavas chinam that cured the many acts of sinas chinam that preceded it.  It was Aharon’s kiss of Moshe in the desert that earned Aharon a Divine commission as Kohen Gadol.

Now, forty after that brotherly exchange, Moshe is at Aharon’s side on his deathbed.  Moshe may have kissed his brother goodbye; we do not know.  But the ultimate kiss was bestowed by God.  The final neshika was a gift given in recognition of a lifetime of supreme and selfless love.

For the rest of us, death comes about through God’s designated messenger.  We fear death, naturally, but it is not nearly as bad as we imagine.  The Talmud relates the following story to illustrate how the death experience differs from our preconceived fears of the ultimate unknown:

Rava said to Rav Naḥman: Master, appear to me in a dream after your death. And he appeared to him. Rava said to him: Master, did you have pain in death? Rav Naḥman said to him: Like the removal of hair from milk, which is a most gentle process.	אֲמַר לֵיהּ לִיתְחֲזֵי לִי מָר אִתְחֲזִי לֵיהּ אֲמַר לֵיהּ הֲוָה לֵיהּ לְמָר צַעֲרָא אֲמַר לֵיהּ כְּמִישְׁחַל בִּנִיתָא מֵחֲלָבָא
But nevertheless, were the Holy One, Blessed be He, to say to me: Go back to that world, the physical world, as you were, I would not want to go, for the fear of the Angel of Death is great. And I would not want to go through such a terrifying experience a second time.	וְאִי אָמַר לִי הַקָּדוֹשׁ בָּרוּךְ הוּא זִיל בְּהָהוּא עָלְמָא כִּד הֲוֵית לָא בָּעֵינָא דִּנְפִישׁ בִּיעֲתוּתֵיהּ

[TB Moed Katan 28a]

Even Rav Nahman, who knew firsthand that death is a relatively painless and gentle transition, would pass up the chance to live again because of his fear of dying (again).  Since Rav Nahman knew that death was a gentle process, was his continued fear of death irrational?  Was it folly or human weakness or human insecurity?

I think not.  Rav Nahman was imparting his greatest lesson – posthumously.  As King David sang,

The heavens are heavens of the Lord, but the earth He gave to the children of men.	הַשָּׁמַיִם שָׁ֖מַיִם לה וְ֜הָאָ֗רֶץ נָתַ֥ן לִבְנֵי־אָדָֽם:
Neither will the dead praise God, nor all those who descend to the grave.	לֹֽא־הַמֵּתִ֥ים יְהַֽלְלוּ־ק וְ֜לֹ֗א כָּל־יֹֽרְדֵ֥י דוּמָֽה:
But we shall bless God from now until everlasting, Hallelujah!	וַֽאֲנַ֚חְנוּ | נְבָ֘רֵ֚ךְ הּ מֵֽעַתָּ֥ה וְעַד־עוֹלָ֗ם הַֽלְלוּ-קהּ:

[Psalms 115]

Life is good; it is beautiful, and mysterious.  Our souls cling to life.  And when we fully embrace life, we sing out in gratitude.

Human beings naturally treasure life, but what makes life really worth living is seeing the hand of God in creation.  Once we recognize that our lives are gifts, we are ready to devote ourselves to God’s Torah, the same Torah that reminds us of our bondage so that we will be inspired to help the orphan, and the widow, and the destitute, and the stranger.  It is the same Torah that teaches us that we must not just love peace but chase after it.  And catch it no matter how elusive it is.

And when enough of us embrace the love of humanity that Aaron embodied, the Levites will once again sing in the Temple, and harmony will be restored.

Shabbat Shalom!

[1]. Pirke Avot 1:12:  הִלֵּל אוֹמֵר, הֱוֵי מִתַּלְמִידָיו שֶׁל אַהֲרֹן, אוֹהֵב שָׁלוֹם וְרוֹדֵף שָׁלוֹם, אוֹהֵב אֶת הַבְּרִיּוֹת וּמְקָרְבָן לַתּוֹרָה

[2].  נדפס בספר “נחמד מזהב” (פיוטרקוב תרס”ז) עמ’ 77, וכן הובא בספרו של נכדו, האדמו”ר הראשון ממודז’יץ, “דברי ישראל”, פרשת בחקותי ד”ה ואתכם.

[3]. Rashi on Shemot 6:26.

[4]. For a list of other Heavenly secrets kept from mankind, look at Midrash Bereishit Rabah 65:12, Kohelet Rabah 11:5, and TB Pesachim 54b,

[5]. Another aspect of Aaron’s death worthy of a separate Torah Byte is the rabbinic treatment of the verses that follow.

[6]. The six individuals are: Moshe, Aharon, Miriam, Abraham, Isaac and Jacob.  But the phrase “by the mouth of God” is not explicitly used with regard to Miriam – the only woman in the list.  This incongruity is beyond the scope of this Torah Byte but will, בלי נדר, be explored fully in a future byte.

[7]. The beauty of the Kiss of Death imagery may have been forever marred by Francis Ford Coppola in Godfather II when he had Michael Corleone plant an angry kiss on Fredo’s lips and declare, “I know it was you, Fredo. I know it was you, Fredo. You broke my heart. You broke my heart.”