by Rabbi Shlomo Segal
Disclaimer: The opinions expressed here are that of the writer and do not necessarily represent the views of the Union for Traditional Judaism, unless otherwise indicated.
Listen to Rabbi Segal’s d’var Torah on Vayechi here. A synopsis appears below.
Click here to access all episodes of “Segal’s Sentiments,” Rabbi Segal’s d’var Torah podcast.
The narrative of Jacob and Joseph teaches us that mourning is very personal. When Joseph told Jacob “I will do as you have said” he was essentially saying “I will do this on my own, making every effort to fulfill your command.” (Sforno; Genesis 47:30)
Jewish mourning practices are not designed to be subcontracted to someone else. Doing so diminishes the bond with your loved one. It rips into tatters the threads which once connected you to your family member.
It is important to note that Kaddish is merely a custom. (Or Zarua, Shabbat 2:50) Its purpose is to elevate the soul of the deceased person who is now in heaven. If you are unable to attend a Minyan regularly to say Kaddish there are other ways you can enable the soul of a loved one to be elevated. Study a Mishna each day, say a chapter of Psalms, observe Shabbat or another ritual in a more scrupulous fashion, or give charity regularly. These are all different ways of paying homage to our beloved dead.
The honor you give to your deceased relative must come from you and you alone. It must be an action taken on your part which serves as a blessing to his or her legacy and in the process, adds something to you as well, both as a Jew and as an individual.
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Rabbi Shlomo Segal is a member of the UTJ’s Panel of Halakhic Inquiry, which issues religious responses on behalf of the organization on contemporary issues, and vice president of Morashah, the rabbinic arm of UTJ.
Rabbi Segal is also a member of the International Rabbinic Fellowship (IRF) and the New York Board of Rabbis.
In fall 2013, after a decade of pulpit experience, Rabbi Segal founded Kehilat Moshe, a liberal Orthodox congregation in the Sheepshead Bay area of Brooklyn, NY. While still a new congregation, Kehilat Moshe has emerged as a diverse, multi-generational caring and intellectually stimulating community rooted in both pluralism and halakhah.
Rabbi Segal delivers a weekly commentary which you can find at kehilatmoshe.org and on YouTube. He was also interviewed on National Public Radio on the subject of “Swinging Chicken Ritual Divides Orthodox Jews”.