by Rabbi Steven Saks
Disclaimer: The opinions expressed here are that of the writer and do not necessarily represent the views of the Union for Traditional Judaism, unless otherwise indicated.
Vayishlach
Jacobs airing of grievances: A Festivus for the rest of us
“The Strike” Episode 166, Season 9 Episode 10
Believing that greed and commercialism was ruining Christmas, Frank Costanza (George’s father) created an alternative December holiday, “Festivus.”
He recounts:
“Many Christmases ago I went to buy a doll for my son. I reached for the last one they had, but so did another man. As I rained blows upon him, I realized there had to be another way…”
A new celebration was needed which de-emphasized materialism. A holiday in which an unadorned aluminum pole would be substituted for the traditional ornate Christmas tree; a holiday in which the giving of gifts is replaced by the “airing of grievances.” This “airing” consists of sitting around the Festivus table and telling your family members how much they have disappointed you over the past year.
Such a ritual would have undoubtedly been very appealing to Jacob. His entire life had been marred by disappointment and grievance. His grievance culminated with the theft of the blessing of the first born which was to be bestowed upon his elder twin, Esau.
Conventional wisdom teaches that Jacob had no choice but to steal the blessing. After all, he and his mother Rebecca, who master-minded the deception, could not allow Esau to receive the blessing of the first born, though he was the rightful recipient, for fear that the rugged elder son would be the next patriarch. Can you imagine our patriarchs being Abraham, Isaac & Esau? But as Rabbi Jonathan Sacks explains: “to understand the event in this manner is to misunderstand the story.” Here’s why.
After the successful theft of the blessing, Rebecca instructs Jacob to flee before his brother kills him in retaliation. However, before Jacob departs, Isaac blesses him again, this time with the knowledge that he is blessing his younger son. The blessing Isaac confers on Jacob is dissimilar to the one Jacob stole from Esau. This second blessing, unlike the first, doesn’t mention that the recipient of the blessing will have others prostrate themselves before him. Rather, the recipient will inherit the Promised Land and his descendants will be numerous. In other words, Isaac is conveying the blessing of Abraham upon Jacob. This was the blessing which he had always intended to give to Jacob. As it turns out, there was never a reason for Jacob and Rebecca to have stolen Esau’s blessing in the first place because clearly, Isaac had always meant for it to be Abraham, Isaac & Jacob.
Yet, it is easy to see how Jacob and his beloved mother made such an error. Jacob’s grievance was that he was the younger son.” In fact, his name Jacob, Yaakov in Hebrew, is rooted in the word ekev, heel, for Jacob was born clutching his elder twin’s heel trying to push past him so he could be the first born. This grievance had caused Jacob to live the life of a “wannabe” Esau, first tricking Esau out of his birthright and then stealing his blessing.
Living a life of grievance caused Jacob to endure much misery including exile. Yet, to his credit, he was eventually able to overcome these feelings of grievance as he prepared to confront Esau many years later. The change of his name by his anonymous nocturnal attacker during the course of a wrestling match (wrestling is also a Festivus tradition) is symbolic of his victory. The Midrash (Genesis Rabbah 77:3) considers the anonymous attacker to be the Guardian Angel of Esau. Yet, it can be argued that Jacob is wrestling with himself, trying to defeat his desire to be a “wannabe” Esau. Jacob triumphs as the attacker declares, “No longer shall you be called Jacob (which denotes the desire to supplant according to Rashi) but you will be called Israel.” Jacob has finally embraced his true identity. No longer is he the “wannabe” who desires nothing more than to supplant his brother, he is now exactly the man God meant him to be…, Israel.
In light of this, we can make sense of Jacob’s reunion with Esau. Jacob implores Esau, “Please take my blessing that I have brought you.” What blessing is Jacob imploring Esau to take? The very blessing that he stole years earlier! Jacob has his family bow to Esau in fulfillment of the promise that “others will bow down before the holder of the blessing.” The patriarch is returning the blessing because he no longer needs it as he is no longer a “wannabe” Esau. Jacob’s comfort with his new identity is further demonstrated by his response to Esau’s inquiry as to his wellbeing. Jacob reassures Esau that he has “everything.” We all know that nobody has everything but Jacob truly feels that he has everything because Jacob finally gave up his grievance and is content with who he is. Ben Zoma famously asks, “who is truly happy” and answers, “he who is content with his portion” (Avot 4:1). Dale Carnegie explains that “most people aren’t unhappy because they don’t have enough, but rather because they fail to enjoy what they already do have.”
As is often the case the characters on Seinfeld teach us what not to do. That shouldn’t be a surprise considering that the series ends with the four stars of the show being imprisoned for their anti-social behavior. A life that celebrates grievance and jealousy is a recipe for a life of misery. A life which celebrates the acceptance of one’s self and the endeavor to be the best version of that self is in fact the best recipe for success!
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Rabbi Steven Saks is the full-time spiritual leader of Congregation Sons of Israel in Woodmere, New York. Previously, he served as the rabbi of Adas Kodesch Shel Emeth Congregation. In Wilmington, Delaware. Rabbi Saks received rabbinic ordination in August 2006 from Kollel Ayshel Avraham in Spring Valley, NY. He holds a B.A. from the State University of New York at Oswego and an M.S. degree in Human Resource Development from Towson University, as well as a black belt in Jiu Jitsu.
Prior to coming to Adas Kodesch Shel Emeth in August 2008, Rabbi Saks was the spiritual leader of Adath Zion Congregation in Philadelphia. His past experiences include teaching classes in religious and secular studies, working as a hospital chaplain, serving as a Big Brother through the Jewish Big Brother/Sister League, teaching Jiu Jitsu and participating in the Volunteers for Israel Army Program. Since coming to Adas Kodesch Shel Emeth, Rabbi Saks has served as the head of the Delaware Association of Rabbis and Cantors, head of the Vaad HaKashrut of Delaware, rabbinical head of the Chevra kaddisha (burial society) and member of the UTJ Board of Directors. He has visited Israel six times; he and his wife Anne led a community-wide trip to Israel in June 2014 and look forward to leading another trip in the future.
Rabbi Saks is active in communal organizations such as the Siegel Jewish Community Center of Delaware and the Albert Einstein Academy (the local Jewish day school) in addition to national organizations such as the American Israel Public Affairs Committee and Israel Bonds. Rabbi Saks was awarded the Zionist Organization of America's 2016 "Guardian of Israel Award" and shared the " Adas Kodesch Shel Emeth 2016 Endowed Honor" with his wife Anne.
Rabbi Saks believes that there is a need to strengthen Judaism’s religious center, which has been referred to as “Traditional” and Open Orthodoxy. He sees our challenge as similar to that of the early Hasmoneans (Maccabees): to remain true to Jewish laws and practices while at the same time embracing the positive attributes of secular culture. Another important issue for Rabbi Saks is to build welcoming Jewish communities. Rabbi Saks believes that every Jewish person should endeavor to climb the ladder of mitzvot at his/her own pace and within his/her comfort level.
Rabbi Saks and Anne have four daughters: Talia, Gavriella, Elisheva and Margalit.
You can find Rabbi Saks’s sermons on the Torah parsha and holidays on his blog.