Yom Kippur – Finding Yourself by Imitating Others

Words in gray were omitted from the spoken version of this sermon for time purposes.

Let me start off today by asking a non-controversial question.  What makes the Beatles the greatest rock back of all times?  Since we agree on the premise, let me suggest an answer from an article written by Ian Leslie, a writer with a forthcoming book on John Lennon and Paul McCartney:

The way that the Beatles found and used their influences is crucial to their story. … They shared a lot of influences with other beat groups: Elvis, Chuck Berry, Little Richard. But they went much further than those other bands in seeking out and incorporating different influences too: R&B, soul, girl groups, Broadway musicals. Even when they were listening to the same artists as other groups, they would choose lesser known songs to be influenced by. When they did cover versions they never simply copied or reproduced the model; they always made it their own, because they brought everything else they knew to bear on it. When they started creating their own songs, they were working with an incredibly diverse set of ingredients. The Beatles absorbed more influences than anyone else and paradoxically this made them more original.[1]

Leslie’s observation is not as paradoxical as it sounds.  In fact, as Leslie argues, artists of all kinds are not defined by original ideas they pull out of the ether but rather by how they absorb and build on artists that came before them.[2]  In his New York Times column on this subject, David Brooks,[3] quotes writer Austin Kleon[4] for the idea that we often think about artistic influence backwards.  We say things like “Rembrandt influenced Van Gogh,” implying that Rembrandt did something to Van Gogh, who in actuality lived centuries later.[5]  Brooks explains, “it’s the later artist who reaches back and seizes upon what he or she can find useful from the earlier artists. It is the later artist taking the initiative, grabbing, incorporating something to use in his or her own expression.”[6]  As John Steinbeck wrote, “Only through imitation do we develop toward originality.”[7]

In his New York Times column on this subject, David Brooks invites us to apply this realization to our own lives.  Some try to look deep into their souls to figure out “who they are.”  But we don’t live in a vacuum.  We live under the constant influence of everyone around us.  But we are not mere victims of circumstance.  Rather, we are responsible for deciding who and what will influence us and how.   As Ian Leslie writes,[8] in the age of all kinds of media, there is a terrible overabundance of potential influences, which means that it is as important as ever to exercise control over who influences us and how.  Ian Leslie exhorts us, especially in the era of social media, to curate our influences, “[Are you surrounding yourselves with people who will bring out the best in you, stretch your imagination, deepen your empathy, etc?”[9]  As Lord Chesterfield wrote to his son, “We are, in truth, more than half what we are by imitation.  The great point is, to choose good models and to study them with care.”[10]

As we think about our journeys of self-improvement, it can be helpful rather than thinking in the abstract about how we would like to better ourselves to think about how we can allow others to be a positive influence on us and how we can surround ourselves with good influences.  How can we identify the most positive attributes of those around us and work to make our lives reflect those attributes?  Of course, no one is perfect.  But if we think about the people we know or have known, there are certainly some who are shining examples of such attributes as love, caring, wisdom, strength, empathy, diligence, commitment, spirituality and more.

Jewish texts teach about the importance of choosing positive influences.  In Pirkei Avot (Ethics of the Fathers) Yehoshua ben Perahia teaches “עשה לך רב וקנה לך חבר make a rabbi for yourself and acquire a friend.”  Psalms say, “מִכָּל מְלַמְּדַי הִשְׂכַּלְתִּי from my many teachers I have become wise,”[11] based on which Ben Zoma teaches in Pirkei Avot “איזהו חכם הלומד מכל אדם who is wise? One who learns from everyone.”  Jewish texts teach about many people who presented shining examples of a particular aspect of human behavior.  Over Rosh Hashanah we read about Abraham, getting a feel for his unparalleled faith in God.  We also read about Hannah, who was greatly troubled by not having children and beautifully placed her anguish at the center of her interaction with God, “וְהִיא מָרַת נָפֶשׁ וַתִּתְפַּלֵּל עַל יְקֹוָק וּבָכֹה תִבְכֶּה and her soul was bitter and she prayed to God and cried,” a moment of such immense spirituality that the Rabbis examined her actions to learn everything they could about how to pray.[12] The Torah speaks of Moshe’s unparalleled humility,[13] and in Pirkei Avot the sage Hillel teaches us “be among the students of Aaron, love peace and pursue it, love people, and draw them close to Torah.”[14]  Above all, we are bid to learn from God, in whose image we are created:

ואמר רבי חמא ברבי חנינא, מאי דכתיב אחרי ה’ א-להיכם תלכו?[15] וכי אפשר לו לאדם להלך אחר שכינה? והלא כבר נאמר: כי ה’ א-להיך אש אוכלה הוא![16] אלא להלך אחר מדותיו של הקב”ה, מה הוא מלביש ערומים, דכתיב: ויעש ה’ א-להים לאדם ולאשתו כתנות עור וילבישם,[17] אף אתה הלבש ערומים; הקב”ה ביקר חולים, דכתיב: וירא אליו ה’ באלוני ממרא,[18] אף אתה בקר חולים; הקב”ה ניחם אבלים, דכתיב: ויהי אחרי מות אברהם ויברך א-להים את יצחק בנו,[19] אף אתה נחם אבלים; הקב”ה קבר מתים, דכתיב: ויקבר אותו בגיא,[20] אף אתה קבור מתים.

Rabbi Chamma bar Chaninah said: What is the meaning of that which is written, “Walk after the Lord Your God”?13  Is it possible for a human to walk after the divine presence?  Is it not already written, “For the LORD your God is a consuming fire”?14  Rather, the text means to reflect (lit. “walk after”) the qualities of the Holy One, Blessed is He. Just as God clothes the naked, as it is written, “and the LORD God made for Adam and his wife leather cloaks and clothed them”15; you, too, clothe the naked.  The Holy One,Blessed is He, visited the sick, as it is written (immediately after Abraham’s circumcision), “the LORD appeared to him in Elonay Mamre”16; you too, visit the sick.  The Holy One, Blessed is He, consoled mourners, as it is written, “And it was after the passing of Abraham and God blessed Isaac his son”17; you, too, console mourners.  The Holy One, Blessed is He, buried the dead, as it is written, “And God buried him (i.e. Moses) in Gay”; you, too, bury the dead.18

It is not enough, however, to learn from good examples.  After we build up who we are based on all of those good examples, we also need feedback to help hone who we have become.  David Brooks talks about the next step in artists’ work, after they have begun to amalgamate all of their influences:

Then artists throw stuff up before their audience to see what works. Our ideas about this are backward too. We assume the artist supplies and the audience receives. But in reality, the audience calls forth a version of the artist that the audience wants him or her to be. It’s an interaction.  This happens too in normal life. Our friends call forth this version of our self or that version of our self.[21]

When asked what is the upright path a person should follow, Rabbi Joshua answers in Pirkei Avot “חבר טוב a good friend.”[22]  Rabbi Ovadia of Bartenura[23] explains that a good friend corrects a person who goes astray.[24]  Again, this emphasizes the importance of being surrounded by good people.  It also tells us that we have to work hard to create an environment where people are comfortable encouraging us when we do right but, equally importantly, lovingly helping us find our best selves whenever we might lose sight of who we can be.

We now head toward the Yizkor service.  In Yizkor, we ask God to remember our departed loved ones.  But I think a more poignant question is: How will we remember our loved ones?  Will it just be with a prayer, or will it be by living a life that reflects the best aspects of them?  What did we learn from them, what we can still learn from them, and how we might maximize their positive impact on our lives?  What values did they work to instill in us and how can we live out those values?  How can their best influences on us be seen in the work of art that is our lives?

But the challenge does not end there.  Because the world didn’t end when our loved ones departed it, nor will the world end when we depart this world.  When Rabbi Joshua talks about a “חבר טוב a good friend,” Rabbenu Yonah[25] says that Rabbi Joshua is talking about us being a good friend.[26]  Much as those who came before us influenced us, it is important for us to influence those who are around us. We, too, must think about the example we set.  We, too, have to think about how we can reinforce the best instincts of our friends and loved ones and pull them away from their worst inclinations.   If we reflect the most positive aspects of our departed loved ones and we encourage others in the same ways our loved ones encouraged us, then their influence and our own influence as well can last for limitless generations beyond our sojourn on this earth.

“You say you want a revolution?  Well, you know, we’d all love to change the world.”[27]  And you know what, we can and we will.  The world will be a different place because of the influence that we have on the people around us.  The ways we will change the world depend on the people we are and the people we are to become.  In turn, the people we are to become turn on whom we allow to influence our lives and how.  Much like the greatest rock band of all time became great because of how they combined their many influences, may we gain wisdom, strength, compassion, caring, and more from the many positive examples of our parents, teachers, children, spouses, family and friends.   May their memories live on in us and may their memories and our memories live on in future generations.  And may all our memories be a blessing.[28]

[1] How To Be Influenced, https://ianleslie.substack.com/p/how-to-be-influenced.

[2] Id.

Artists (in the broad sense – painters, novelists, composers, etc) are pretty much defined by the struggle to be themselves; to absorb influences without surrendering to them; to be open to others and stubbornly individual. Consequently, artists have a different relationship to influence than the rest of us do. The core difference is this: artists do not absorb their influences passively. They choose their influences, and they choose how to be influenced by them.

(emphasis in the original)

[3] The way we talk about influence is backwards,“ https://austinkleon.com/2018/02/02/the-way-we-talk-about-influence-is-backwards/.

[4] “How to Find Out Who You Are”, https://www.nytimes.com/2022/07/28/opinion/find-who-you-are.html

[5] John Keats 1795-1821 Oscar Wilde, 1854-1900. Source: Wikipedia.

[6] Brooks, above footnote 4.

[7] John Steinbeck, Travels with Charley: In Search of America, 3, 1961, Quoted in Quotationary by Ed. Frank Leonard Roy under “Imitation.”

[8] Above footnote 1.

[9] Id.

[10] Lord Chesterfield, Letters to his son, 18 January 1750.  Quoted in Quotationary, above footnote7, under “Imitation.”

[11] Psalms 119:99.  Note the verse could also be translated “I am wiser than all my teachers.”

[12] See e.g. Babylonian Talmud Berakhot 31a – 31b.

[13] Numbers 12:3.

[14] Avot 1:12.

[15] Deut. 13:5

אַחֲרֵי יְקֹוָק אֱ-לֹהֵיכֶם תֵּלֵכוּ וְאֹתוֹ תִירָאוּ וְאֶת מִצְוֹתָיו תִּשְׁמֹרוּ וּבְקֹלוֹ תִשְׁמָעוּ וְאֹתוֹ תַעֲבֹדוּ וּבוֹ תִדְבָּקוּן:

[16] Deut. 4:24

כִּי יְקֹוָק אֱ-לֹהֶיךָ אֵשׁ אֹכְלָה הוּא אֵ-ל קַנָּא:

[17] Gen. 3:21.

[18] Gen. 18:1.

וַיֵּרָא אֵלָיו ה’ בְּאֵלֹנֵי מַמְרֵא וְהוּא יֹשֵׁב פֶּתַח הָאֹהֶל כְּחֹם הַיּוֹם:

[19] Gen. 25:11.

וַיְהִי אַחֲרֵי מוֹת אַבְרָהָם וַיְבָרֶךְ אֱ-לֹהִים אֶת יִצְחָק בְּנוֹ וַיֵּשֶׁב יִצְחָק עִם בְּאֵר לַחַי רֹאִי:

[20] Deut. 35:6.

וַיִּקְבֹּר אֹתוֹ בַגַּיְ בְּאֶרֶץ מוֹאָב מוּל בֵּית פְּעוֹר וְלֹא יָדַע אִישׁ אֶת קְבֻרָתוֹ עַד הַיּוֹם הַזֶּה:

[21] Brooks, above footnote 4.

[22] Avot 2:9.

[23] 15^th century Italy per Bar Ilan Responsa CD.

[24]חבר טוב – שמוכיחו כשרואה אותו עושה דבר שאינו הגון.

[25] R. Yonah ben R. Avraham Gerondi, Gerona/Barcelona 13^th century per Bar Ilan Responsa CD.

[26] R. Yonah on Avot 2:9.

[27] “Revolution” by the Beatles.  Lyrics by Paul Mccartney and John Lennon.

[28] In delivering a version of this d’var Torah for Shabbat Bereshit (using נַעֲשֶׂה אָדָם בְּצַלְמֵנוּ כִּדְמוּתֵנוּ, Gen. 1:26, and וַיּוֹלֶד בִּדְמוּתוֹ כְּצַלְמוֹ, Gen. 5:3 as the connection to the Torah portion), Matthew Weitzman summarized the point with an excellent reference to another Beatles song.  “Help, I need somebody.”