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Non-Chief Rabbinate Marriages in Israel

Halakhah, Halakhah, Life Cycle, Modern Judaism, Pastoral care, Relationships, Women's Forum

by Rabbi Alan J Yuter

Disclaimer: The opinions expressed here are that of the writer and do not necessarily represent the views of the Union for Traditional Judaism, unless otherwise indicated.

A woman who is cohabiting with her partner and has decided to get married but refuses to do so through the establishment Rabbinate system. The woman’s parents would prefer a traditional wedding, and the daughter is willing to accommodate by adopting aspects of Jewish Tradition that do not violate the couple’s sense of egalitarian propriety.  What are the Halakhic minimums that should be met for the wedding to be kosher?

  1. According to Israeli law, Jewish marriages taking place within the borders of the Jewish state require the approval of the Israeli Chief Rabbinate. Other Jewish marriage arrangements are technically illegal. Since Jewish law recognizes secular civil law to be religiously binding, it would be best if the couple take a day trip to Cyprus, become married civilly, and then arrange for a private ceremony in Israel.
  2. It is certainly better to be married according to Jewish law than living in an ad hoc cohabitation arrangement. And the couple should be accommodated, encouraged, and commended for considering adopting elements of Tradition in their private Jewish lives. Just as there should be no criticism of the Israeli Rabbinate because in this context, the criticism is gratuitous, the couple should not be subject to criticism, judgment, or disapproval for the Jewish choices that they have made.
  3. On one hand, the Chief Rabbinate of Israel today is political, partisan, parochial, and is out of touch with Israel’s secular population as well as significant portions of Israel’s religious population. Because Israel has not prosecuted offenders, in our view a wise policy decision, I am willing to consider non-Rabbinate weddings.
  4. The wedding ceremony should have [a] Birchot Qeddushin, the two “engagement” blessings which thank God for the fruit of the vine and the institution of marriage, in which a man “sanctifies” a woman to be his wife, as a total life partner. Sexual relations become licit [a] because the husband has committed himself to his wife’s support, housing, and clothing and [b]  she has agreed to forsake all others by becoming sanctified, i.e. dedicated to her husband alone. After the two blessings are intoned, the husband gives a gift, for Sefardics a coin and for Ashkenazi convention, a ring, worth at least a peruta, the smallest denomination legal tender, in the presence of two kosher witnesses.  By convention, the ketubba, the so-called “marriage document,” is read during the interlude between the two Birchot Qeddushin and the seven Birchot Nesu’in, or marriage blessings.  Ashkenazi Jews require yihud, the allowing the now newlyweds to be alone for a time sufficient to consummate the marriage. But this practice is unattested in the Oral Torah library.   Ashes should be placed on the groom’s head to commemorate the fallen Temple, but the marriage is kosher without it.  A glass should be broken also at the ceremony’s end, but this requirement’s omission does not invalidate the wedding, either. The bride’s walking around the groom seven times is similarly an honored tradition, but not an essential part of the wedding ceremony
  5. The Ketubba, the so-called “marriage document,” is, in reality, a pre-nuptial agreement according to which an escrow account is established for  a sum of money which is segregated for the wife, to be delivered at the end of the marriage, with her divorce or her husband’s demise.  As long as the prenuptial agreement has been executed, the Ketubba obligation has been fulfilled.
  6. Placing ashes on the head, breaking of the glass, yihud, and the bride’s walking around the groom seven times may all be waived if that is the condition that will make the Halakhic marriage possible. Ironically, the ashes rite is more canonical that the other rites.
  7. It is argued that “double-ring” ceremonies are forbidden by Jewish law. There is no statute explicitly forbidding double ring weddings. Opponents opine that the woman giving a ring to her husband looks confusing, as if the wife is presenting her husband with the ring/gift which is the instrument that renders the marriage effective and valid. But Shulhan Aruch Even ha-Ezer 38:34 reports that once the woman willingly receives the husband’s ring, the marriage event is concluded and cannot be reversed except by divorce or death. The opponents are really objecting to changes in the Orthodox wedding, especially by those changes that are based upon egalitarian values.
  8. bKetubbot 58b reminds us that a bride is allowed to proclaim, “I waive my marital right to financial support in turn for my being relieved of the obligation to service my husband’s person. Like any and every legal system, Laws are norms. Judaism does not prescribe gender roles.  Pre-modern Jewish societies reflected patriarchy, and Jewish law honored the conventions of social choice. But the Oral Torah reminds the Jewish woman and man that they have the right to negotiate how they wish to organize their marital lives, their social roles, and the tone of the household they create.
  9. The lesson taken from this conversation is that Jewish “Tradition” is not about sanctifying the way we were in our remembered past, it is about living the sacred life in the present we happen to inhabit. The remembered past can be dismissed as an imagined Narrative, the present we inhabit is really real and waiting to be sanctified.   Authentic Tradition conserves discriminately, parochialism conserves indiscriminately.

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About Rabbi Alan J Yuter

Educated and first ordained at the Jewish Theological Seminary of America, Rabbi Alan J. Yuter earned additional ordinations from Yeshiva University, supervised by Rav Moshe D. Tendler, and the Israeli Chief Rav Mordecai Eliahu. He further received Yadin Yadin from Rav David Weiss Halivni and earned a PhD in modern Hebrew Literature from New York University.

A founding member of the UTJ, Rabbi Yuter served as a faculty member at the UTJ’s rabbinical school and has held multiple pulpits, including extended stints in Springfield, NJ, and Baltimore, MD.

Rabbi Yuter is a prolific writer on ritual and philosophical issues, underpinnings of halakha, Biblical criticism, and much more. His essays can be found on UTJ’s Viewpoints . He is also a frequent contributor for The Institute of Jewish Ideas and Ideals.

In addition to his activities with the UTJ, Rabbi Yuter teaches at Torat Reva in Jerusalem and is associated with the Center for Jewish-Christian Understanding, affiliated with Ohr Torah Stone in Efrat.

Rabbi Yuter and his wife Linda reside in Israel.